As part of my recovery from depression, Adam and I sat down and made of the sacrifices he would like me to make. (At my most depressed, I was making many unnecessary sacrifices for him because I thought my needs were unimportant.) We came up with a list of five real needs that I can meet by giving something up–whether it’s time, privacy, or control. That way a sacrifice is a selfless gesture oriented around his needs, instead of a self-centered gesture focused on my thoughts and feelings. Read the rest of this entry
Tag Archives: relationships
When I was in high school, there were a few guys I dated on and off. They were good guys, and I was flattered by their attentions, but I wasn’t really attracted to them. I tried to show them I wasn’t interested, but they just didn’t get the hint.
Several readers of an earlier post, How to Show a Man That You Are Interested without Giving Him the Wrong Idea, have recently asked me how to show him you aren’t interested. I never really learned the answer myself while I was still dating, so I took the question to my informal panel of men. Their answers might surprise you. Read the rest of this entry
Adam and I have only been married three years, but we’ve known each other for a long time. (A third of my life!) I’ve always thought about him first as a man who is analytical and thoughtful, a sort of absent-minded-professor character. But when some of my own self-explorations showed me parts of me I didn’t know were there, I began to wonder: What if there is more to Adam than I am allowing myself to see? An exercise on a recent couple’s retreat helped me see past my preconceptions about Adam and accept him for all of who he really is. Read the rest of this entry
the last man in the world whom I could ever be prevailed upon to marry.”
—Elizabeth Bennet, Pride & Prejudice
My friend Lucy worried a man of a different faith would frown on her beliefs. Lauren was waiting to feel just the right spark. And I swore I would never, ever marry a younger man. Yet, all three of us found love with the people we least expected when we learned to appreciate what was in front of us and give well-deserving guys a second chance.
In almost nine years together, Adam and I have learned that great conversations depend on time, space, and silence. The best date nights are the ones that make conversations easy by providing the stillness and quiet that make open conversation thrive. These five (mostly free!) dates make great conversations easy, whether you’re just beginning a relationship or you’ve been married for many years. Read the rest of this entry
Brunches are special. It’s a weekend treat to sit down to a meal you don’t have every day with a menu of foods all its own. Share this Eggs Benedict recipe with your family and friends one weekend and enjoy the feeling of camaraderie and relaxation. Don’t worry—Eggs Benedict is easier to make than you think! Read the rest of this entry
My husband and I met the first day of college. Even though it took me a few months to admit it, we knew we were perfect from each other for almost the first moment we met. We spent three blissful years seeing each other every day—sometimes several times a day.
And then we graduated.
Adam moved to Taiwan for a year for graduate language study. I spent a year teaching in Washington, DC while I tried to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. We were an ocean and two continents apart for an entire year, quite a rude awakening for two people used to seeing as much of each other as they wanted. Read the rest of this entry